Sitting in the confines of Megumu’s glider taking a respite from it all, I find myself waxing on a videogame speed about the last week of Life. Emma Karen Brownstein’s grand entrance into the world has filled with an immense feeling of reflection and an early onset of that sweet disease commonly known as nachus. So I write, more for myself now, the hope that my words somehow amuse and tease the best inside those who take the time to read them.
Birth on the fly
Monday June 14, 2010 @ 12:30 Megumu and I found ourselves in the company of Dr. Zachary Pollack, our gifted, young OB, reviewing the plan for a C-section sometime during the week of June 21st. After weeks of bed rest, Chinese moxabustion acupuncture, aqua flips and focused yoga postures our baby was still breech. With moist eyes and full hearts Megumu and I signed the paperwork to set the procedure for 6/23. Our dream of a fully natural birth was softly fading away, and we resolved to face the next turn in the journey with strength and grace.
@ 14:30 after a comforting bowl of Pho from Monkey Bridge, we met with our favorite ultrasound technician to review Megumu’s amniotic fluid level. After four weeks of NASDAQ recovery growth, the number had plummeted below 3 cm. The tech took the reading again. . . and again. Yes. It was low.
I knew then and there that Emma was coming to us that day, two weeks before her due date. The consult with our amazing midwives Audrey, Heather and Fra Na with Dr. Pollack was a mere formality.
Help from every direction
Sitting in Room 547 of Ballard Swedish Hospital, the reality of the situation began to envelope Megumu and me, freezing our ability to move into action. Somehow, I drew deep from instinct that had evaded me most of Life. . . asking for HELP. First, my wonderful business partners Forest and Brian. “Guys, I may not be able to follow through on my investor meetings this week.” “Adam Brownstein, we’ve got your back. Now go be a father!”
Next, considerate customers in India, Mexico and U.S. to my note of being off line for “awhile”. “Mazel tov!” (from a blond haired Catholic uber mensch client in Seattle).
Even investors who had once drawn swords over our A-2 Series negotiation for buuteeq now found themselves cheering for us. “Let’s close this week!”
Service on demand. Our dear friend, Coby, coming to the rescue delivering our “hospital” bag along with a charged camera, honey sticks and extra pairs of underwear.
And Family. The sweet, proud miracle of family. Nanny Lindy and Papa Neill would be in Seattle by 9:00 AM the next day. 90 years-young Baba Sumiko and Grandma Emiko would follow suit from Tokyo the day after.
One more soul. One more Hope.
@ 20:40 our dedicated nurse, Doreen (so wonderful) came into our room. “It’s time.” If my (few feets) of athletic triumph or my Bar Mitzvah represented me running as fast as possible than hearing those words put me into a pace that can best be summed up as “Usain Bolt.”
@ 20:50 I let go of Megumu’s hand and gazed at her floating into the OR. I stood behind a yellow line trying to summon whatever pranayama breathing techniques thieved from the yogis in New York, San Francisco and Seattle (guess what, it actually worked!). @ 21:05 the door to the OR opened and the next thing I knew I was sitting next to Megumu. Her eyes, pregnant with fear spoke deeply to me, and answered with a calming voice, “Dai-jo-bu” a whimsical Japanese catch all that Bob Marley would enjoy (“. . . everything’s gonna be alright.”)
Megumu steadied herself and requested me to speak of Troncones, the ethereal fishing village on the west coast of Mexico where we had spent spring holiday last year. A strength poured out from inside of her that gave me pause and filled me with humility.
@ 21:15 Kevin, our compassionate anesthesiologist quipped “how do you say ‘let’s get started’ in Japanese?” Megumu faintly giggled for the first time in a long time. @ 21:35 our midwife said “I spy one foot. . . and now two feet.” @ 21:37 the bleating, beautiful boastful cry of our daughter filled the chilly OR with warmth and grace.
@ 21:38 I saw her, replete with a proud shock of black hair passed to her from thousands of years of Japanese and Jewish ancestors. And I felt three profound emotions.
1. Wow! She looks just like Sumiko! (Megumu’s grandmother)
2. The world has more Hope now.
3. I love my wife.
The bond now forged
By 22:15 Megumu and Emma were bonding back in Room 547. Skin to skin with low lights and some kind of Brian Eno theme languishing softly in the low lights of the room. Emma weighed 6 lbs. 1 oz. measuring 18.5 inches. A little bambina for a little couple.
As night faded into deep night, Deon worked in emphatically with Emma and Megumu to develop a good latch. Colostrum flowed triggered oxytocin. Oxytocin triggered Love. And then Love called Emma to sleep on Megumu’s chest. Megumu found now sleep that first night. As I sojourned in and out of slumber on the cot, I kept gazing at Megumu. Each time I found her eyes transfixed on Emma. Like the bond of any mother and her cub in nature (or lithe blue being and flying dragonhorse in a James Cameron film), the bond had been forged. Ka-boom!
Again feelings burnished with clarity rang out to me:
1. I love my wife
2. I love my child
3. When all is mishuga/FUBAR, kindly refer to #1 and #2.
Day One: New connections and the strength to stand
Morning came and with Emma resting next to me now on the cot, I instinctively recognized the sound of it a force more powerful that any army or act of nature. . .
. . . JEWISH GRANDPARENTS.
Fresh off the 6 AM shuttle from SFO, Linda and Neill floated into the room. I swaddled Emma and transferred her l’dov v’dor to Linda who cooed and cast her healing soul and eyes upon our child. Then I asked Neill “are you ready to hold your granddaughter?” “I’m scared,” he said, concerned that he would somehow not clutch her in a safe way. “A, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say you’re scared.” “B, here she is.”
(Note, the photo of Neill holding Emma is still #1 with a bullet on our Phanfare page as of 6/19)
Having checked the nachus box, I turned my attention to Megumu. While a C-section can be a bit easier on baby, it is no walk in the park for mommy. In the afternoon on Day One I helped Megumu stand up and walk one step. That is it for now. The pain was immense.
Megumu persevered, nourishing Emma every couple of hours and suffering the slings of newbie breastfeeding. One of our nurses qualified the situation “Until now, Emma has been enjoying Club Med, aka your womb. She has had an all-expenses paid existence thanks to you. Now she has to work for her food, and you have to work to learn to give it to her.”
Day Two: Four generations and a walkabout
Just as Nanny Lindy and Papa Neill came in on queue on Tuesday morning, so came Great Grandmother Sumiko and Grandmother Emiko on Wednesday. As reported by a trusted source, Sumiko (90 years-young) jumped out of the rented Puff Daddy Escalade upon arrival at the Hospital. She clutched Emma with confidence and love while we all took in the miracle of being spectators to the Gen1-Gen4 show.
Next came Emiko. As Emma rested in her arms I recalled her speech at our wedding in Tokyo on April 16, 2006. “There are many things in Life to do, and the greatest of them all is having children.” Over the course of this week, he wisdom has been echoing to me again and again.
. . . What’s past is prologue
As I am now officially a “busy parent” I will skip to the present moment. It’s our first Havdalah, and the notorious grey weather that is customary for Seattle near the Summer Solstice is pouring into the nursery. Over time, I will recount the noble endeavor of late night feedings and the selfish projection of introducing one’s child to the merits of Sir Jimmy, Robert, John Paul and John (RIP).
But for now I need to go change a diaper, so let me say thanks.
Thanks to the extraordinary team of midwives, birthing coaches, doctors and nurses who helped shepherd Emma into the world.
Thanks to the family and friends who showered us with love and affection . . . and commanded me to start blogging about the Experience.
And, most significantly, thanks to Emma and Megumu for making me the most blessed man in the universe.
Happy Father’s Day to all the daddy’s, chi-chi’s, papa’s and abah’s out there. And thanks to those of you who got them there.
Love,
Aj on Day Five
