The boy, mind you, was still clubbing it up inside of Megumu's womb, so the "discovery" part stemmed from our 20 week ultrasound. Somehow, we had made a pact that I would discover the gender of our #2, while Megumu remained in the dark. Another proof point that married couples are ridiculous, amusing or both.
Megumu looked at my face after I took in the fetal 3D monitor.
"Are you happy?" She posited.
"Ecstatic!" I assures her.
. . . but not really. Having a boy meant having a Bris. F*ck.
As a relatively evolved human being, I was mildly distraught (read freaked out) at the prospect of having my lad lie under the mohel's blade. My tribe has made a lot of noble contributions to our planet; psychoanalysis, cellular phones, the theory of relativity and Mila Kunis to name a few. But genital mutilation wasn't something very high on my list. In fact, it seemed to be one of the few tribal rituals that put us on par with the high minded imman's of progressive societies like Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and Iran (only there they prefer to slice and dice at the more suitable age of five).
I had endured the arguments of "why a Bris" for years:
-It's better for health: Not so fast. The american academy of pediatricians recommends passing on snipping.
-It's in the Torah: OK. Now I want to do it. Right after I tend to a few other things in the Torah, like stoning to death gay people or women who were not virgins before being married.
Yet there was something about having a Bris for my own progeny that struck me as important and even necessary. I couldn't really source what that was about, so I dismisses my tribalism as best as I could.
In mid May at week 36, Megumu and I were having coffee on a lazy Sunday, when she jumped in with one of her classic list diatribes.
"OK, so we need to lock down his name, add him to our health insurance add him to our pediatricians office, finish Emma's pre-K enrollment (ha! I am saying in my mind. I can do all of that! Is that the best you've got? What about building some IKEA furniture? or even ACTUALLY GOING to IKEA? Bring it on!)
"And we need to find someone to do the Bris and either find a good caterer or fly in fish from Russ & Daughters."
Wow. In Japan circumcision is very much not the norm. Yet here was Megumu adding it to list. I felt relieved and anxious all at once.
Google and two trusted rabbis both fingered the same guy as the Mohel of Puget Sound. On Friday, June 27th, around 6:30 PM Dr. Andrew Witz showed up at our home.
"I'm Dr. Witz, and I'm here to work," he announced.
An hour later, Ari Masaki Brownstein, spiked with a thimble full of Manischevitz, lay before my father, Neill Brownstein. As the "sandek", Poppie Neill had the honor of presiding over the whole affair. His face was painted with tears and sweat (who knew that it would be 90 degrees in Seattle that day!). Moments before the ceremony, Megumu had clutched Ari's hand as we prepped him in the green room. She had broken a 100 year tradition of Brownstein mothers sequestering themselves in the bathroom with the shower running in order to avoid suffering the screams of their princes. But then again she did endure 23 hours of labor with him. Megumu is like a diamond that way; pretty to look at, and impossible to break.
As I watched all of this unfold before my eyes, there was an odd, yet familiar peace that came over me. An intense cocktail of emotion and spirit that had found me at the moment of my mothers passing and at Emma's birth.
The funny joke that whatever we choose to believe plays with us is that Life is hugely precious. Yet the human condition affords a narrow set of experiences to really acknowledge that. Crossing a marathon finish line, speaking in front of thousands, getting laid for the first time, smashing the glass. A birth. And now, a Bris.
Tribal and barbaric? Sure. There will always be some guilt that I feel. But there is something noble too in what we all went through that day. And when Ari is old enough, I'll buy him a beer, tell him the tale, and he'll say, "Dad. It's totally fine. Don't be so hard on yourself."
And every day before and after then I'll try my best to embrace how magical life is.
